Category Archives: blogging

It has to mean something … otherwise it will be blogged, drawn and quartered.

I really have no idea where time goes … it seems only two days ago I was discussing with a friend how I felt I needed to leave this blog alone for a while due to the fact that I believed it was getting a tad repetitive and that I thought I was starting to sound like I had as much luck with men as the village spinster (although arguably my memoirs might make for better reading). In fact it has been over a month since I last posted.

So in effect I have done just that. I kicked off my heels, cracked open the gin and took a blogging holiday. And that has to all intents and purposes been fine, except for the fact that I’ve felt the urge to blog about a couple of incidents but couldn’t for two rather pertinent facts. The first is that I must now have one of the most public personal lives that doesn’t belong to a celebrity (of my own making, granted) and the second being that a friend informed me recently that my candid approach to recording my take on the opposite sex could have a detrimental effect on my search for a meaningful relationship.

And that, ladies and gentleman, has been the sum total of my month away from these blogging shores. I now know what I’m looking for.

A meaningful relationship. A relationship that means something. Not marriage. Not co-habitation even. It just needs to “mean” something.

People oft think I’m a bit of a flibbertigibbet on the one hand and a ruthless user of men on the other. I never worked out how those two married up  but apparently it is possible; after three or four Babychams laughing at ridiculous jokes I can turn into the female Don Corleone of the dating world. I take no prisoners you see. All wrongdoers are exposed with a mere tap-tap-tap on my rather slinky Mac keyboard.

And so they should be! I’m not entirely sure that I’ve been specific about the criteria by which I judge my dating experiences in terms of suitability for “outing” them Debsy-style, but it’s really quite simple. Men that act like arses will have their arses exposed, and to clarify, “act like arses” means at some point they have treated me (and probably many like me) pretty shoddily.

I never use real names, but if they were to read the post, they would know to whom I’m referring. Job done.

My friend (of the candid approach comment) informed me that a man would need to have “balls of steel” to get into a relationship with me, knowing about this blog and my tendency to whip out an exposé quicker than you could say “second date”. For my part I found that a bit harsh ….. but then we always do see onlooker’s views through sterile binoculars don’t we? In essence I found his “balls of steel” comment quite funny … or was I merely pleased with the fact that I was starting to appear formidable in the dating arena? In retrospect I’m not sure either interpretation is desirable.

The unfortunate fact is that recording my experiences in this blog have become my way of laying them to rest. Every time someone has told me how funny they thought a particular entry about a disastrous date was, I’ve jumped up and down on the grave of the memory of said incident, knocked back an imaginary martini, thrown the glass at the wall and screamed “next!”

We all need to review, investigate, understand and conclude. My conclusions just happen to involve sharing my findings with about seven thousand others on Twitter and Facebook. What the heck’s formidable about that?

So. Meaningful. That’s the sum of it. And by meaningful, I mean just that.

Welcome back friend.

I was joking about the Babychams by the way.

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Filed under attraction, blogging, dating, Facebook, internet dating, Life, online dating, relationships, sex, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women

Attention, please …. am I gripping you yet?

A friend commented the other day that although my posts were well-written, they were perhaps a tad long; this immediately sent me into a state of perplexed anxiety given my aptitude for gathering observational momentum after around eight hundred words, before I soar into my all-knowing, “moral-of-this-tale” closing paragraph. Doug (said friend) comes from a position of knowledge (he’s an editor), so I would be foolish to not take on board his words of wisdom …..OK …  Hmmm… Edit? Keep it brief? Me? Seriously ….?

It did lead me to thinking about the point at which a reader goes from being satisfyingly entertained to yawning and flipping back onto Facebook, Twitter or whatever their particular addiction is. Or perhaps they keep on reading in the hope that it’s going to get better, a little bit like the film I watched on Saturday night (which didn’t, incidentally …. “The Illusionist” with Edward Norton … ejected after thirty minutes)

So, clearly the knack is to seize the imagination quickly, decisively and without mercy. A bit like circling romantic prey. A lot like it, actually.

I’m not talking about the meandering little foray you both take initially, where furtive glances are exchanged and mildly suggestive language is toyed with; it’s the point at which you see the green light well and truly illuminated. It’s time to strike. Going back over this passage I’m more than a little concerned that I’m using hunting and war-like metaphors in association with relationships; this is something I need to address with professional help at some point, I fear.

I suspect a seasoned and skilled journalist will tell you a good headline will grab quicker than anything, so with my usual limited ability to get beyond the obvious I go with something provocative or suggestive (ideally both); it’s cheap and it works (unlike our parliamentary system, it seems).

Who is great at maintaining an audience? Well, I’d have to say none surpass Barack Obama at the moment. Even black and white images of the man mesmerise me. He dresses well, he has an air of composed self-belief, and as soon as he ventures to open his mouth to speak you know you will be tuned in until he desists. He is, I believe, the greatest orator of my lifetime. Even my mother can forgive the fact that he smokes ….. and that is no mean feat, I assure you.

It appears it’s not the initial gripping that’s the real challenge here, but the maintenance of said grip.

Like I said … just like relationships.

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Filed under blogging, relationships, writing