It has to mean something … otherwise it will be blogged, drawn and quartered.

I really have no idea where time goes … it seems only two days ago I was discussing with a friend how I felt I needed to leave this blog alone for a while due to the fact that I believed it was getting a tad repetitive and that I thought I was starting to sound like I had as much luck with men as the village spinster (although arguably my memoirs might make for better reading). In fact it has been over a month since I last posted.

So in effect I have done just that. I kicked off my heels, cracked open the gin and took a blogging holiday. And that has to all intents and purposes been fine, except for the fact that I’ve felt the urge to blog about a couple of incidents but couldn’t for two rather pertinent facts. The first is that I must now have one of the most public personal lives that doesn’t belong to a celebrity (of my own making, granted) and the second being that a friend informed me recently that my candid approach to recording my take on the opposite sex could have a detrimental effect on my search for a meaningful relationship.

And that, ladies and gentleman, has been the sum total of my month away from these blogging shores. I now know what I’m looking for.

A meaningful relationship. A relationship that means something. Not marriage. Not co-habitation even. It just needs to “mean” something.

People oft think I’m a bit of a flibbertigibbet on the one hand and a ruthless user of men on the other. I never worked out how those two married up  but apparently it is possible; after three or four Babychams laughing at ridiculous jokes I can turn into the female Don Corleone of the dating world. I take no prisoners you see. All wrongdoers are exposed with a mere tap-tap-tap on my rather slinky Mac keyboard.

And so they should be! I’m not entirely sure that I’ve been specific about the criteria by which I judge my dating experiences in terms of suitability for “outing” them Debsy-style, but it’s really quite simple. Men that act like arses will have their arses exposed, and to clarify, “act like arses” means at some point they have treated me (and probably many like me) pretty shoddily.

I never use real names, but if they were to read the post, they would know to whom I’m referring. Job done.

My friend (of the candid approach comment) informed me that a man would need to have “balls of steel” to get into a relationship with me, knowing about this blog and my tendency to whip out an exposé quicker than you could say “second date”. For my part I found that a bit harsh ….. but then we always do see onlooker’s views through sterile binoculars don’t we? In essence I found his “balls of steel” comment quite funny … or was I merely pleased with the fact that I was starting to appear formidable in the dating arena? In retrospect I’m not sure either interpretation is desirable.

The unfortunate fact is that recording my experiences in this blog have become my way of laying them to rest. Every time someone has told me how funny they thought a particular entry about a disastrous date was, I’ve jumped up and down on the grave of the memory of said incident, knocked back an imaginary martini, thrown the glass at the wall and screamed “next!”

We all need to review, investigate, understand and conclude. My conclusions just happen to involve sharing my findings with about seven thousand others on Twitter and Facebook. What the heck’s formidable about that?

So. Meaningful. That’s the sum of it. And by meaningful, I mean just that.

Welcome back friend.

I was joking about the Babychams by the way.

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20 Comments

Filed under attraction, blogging, dating, Facebook, internet dating, Life, online dating, relationships, sex, Twitter, Uncategorized, Women

20 responses to “It has to mean something … otherwise it will be blogged, drawn and quartered.

  1. Cath Watson

    Keep doing what you’re doing darlin’, we all love you, and it will happen.x

  2. Alex

    About time, I was just beginning to think your apparent lack of blogging was due to my over-enthusiastic commenting.

    But then I’m conceited like that.

  3. Alex

    PS. I don’t know about the make up of my testicles, but I’d date you (if you weren’t so out of my league).

    • debsylee

      Oh puh-leeease.

      BTW, over-enthusiastic commenting is not only encouraged, it’s applauded 🙂

      • Alex

        Ah, now you just think I was fishing for compliments, but believe me, I’ve seen me.

        I’ve decided the next reply will be in French, let’s see if ze accent ‘elps.

        *clin d’oeil*

  4. It’s good to see you back in type young a lady.

    I disagree with the balls of steel theory. Any future man who treats you as you deserve to be treated has nothing to fear. And any who doesn’t deserves to be outed.

    • debsylee

      And there speaks someone who has known me for some time!

      Thanks Andrew; good to see you back too x

  5. You know I think you’re blog relates to so many other women out there who are going through the exact same that it’s imperative that you continue.

    Dating isn’t like it used to be, it’s not all hearts and flowers, it’s a tough cut throat world. Those in steady relationships tend to forget the hard work that goes in to dating and trying to find Mr Right and can easily look upon the single girl in much bemusement.

    Basic fact, I love your blog, others love your blog and it’s cheaper than therapy…keep going!!

    Rachael
    x

    • debsylee

      Oh bless your heart Rachael! It’s easy as the author to feel these postings turn into the ramblings of a middle-aged confused woman at some point (actually, they may get more entertaining if we added the alcohol a little earlier …)

      Martini?

  6. Ahoy Deborah, me loves your raw intellectual honesty about your dating and life experiences.

    You compel me to be honest and open about mine for I have locked them away for far to long and I’m sorry to say…

    I was that man who “acts like an arse” has “balls of steel”and took advantage of many women with my cock-sure self confidence shouting “next!” without a care in the world.

    However, one women changed everything for me and I know I changed everything for her too. Even though we are not together now, there isn’t a single thing I would change for we are both better people because of that adventure that wasn’t to be.

    We all have different lessons to learn in life and all life’s lessons are learned at different times depending on the person or situation and to top it all off, without being open and honest about them lessons in life you cant move on to next great grand adventure.

    Wow, I think I’m getting to deep, now where’s me Rum gone.

    Keep up the fantastic work Debsylee.

    • debsylee

      Wow Jason, what a breath of fresh air your comment is.

      You raise several interesting points and I don’t in essence think anyone is inherently an “arse”…

      For me it is quite simple … it’s a risk to expose yourself emotionally to someone you really like, simply because there’s then the chance that they could hurt you at your most vulnerable. But if you never do it you will never know how fantastic it can be.

      Thanks for commenting and your positive words; feel free to drop by again to reinvigorate my hope!

  7. God that is good…good…very good, very very good, very very very good….

    Goddess that is good…good…etc etc…

  8. Anjee Busby

    I think that if you act like an arse, you deserve to treated like one, wish the internet was around when I was dating, oh the tales I could and would have told

    • debsylee

      It’s never too late Anj … just think how your memoirs could top up a pension come the time …

      Admit it … you’re tempted, aren’t you?!

      Thanks for your comment x

  9. If you use Internet Explorer or Firefox and have the new Google Sidewiki installed you’ll be able to see my comment on the main page of your blog… if not, then, well, what the heck… I wasn’t saying anything earth shattering anyway!

    I bought the Men are from Mars book but my wife started to make fun of me, so from now I’ll depend on you to peek into the female psyche! Keep up the good work.

    • debsylee

      I struggle to keep up with Google if I’m honest … but thanks anyway!

      We women can be a tad sneering at times when our men seek enlightenment vis a vis how our minds work … take it as a sign of your wife’s weariness. It’s almost certainly nothing more 😉

      Thanks for your comment 🙂

  10. I don’t know If I said it already but …Cool site, love the info. I do a lot of research online on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

    A definite great read..Jim Bean

    • debsylee

      Jim … thank you! You have no idea how well-timed your comment was.

      Please visit again soon! 🙂

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